Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Spring has spa-RUNG dawgs!
Wow. I know it’s only been 24 hours since my last post, but what a day it has been!
So, last night was fucking amazing. I mean, last night was fucking HOO RAH amazing. It was the perfect start to a summer of gayness.
Here’s what I like to call “The Deelio”:
Kelly and I showed up at Beige around 10:30pm. We immediately secured ourselves a spot at the bar, which is an incredible feat in itself. We weren’t there for more than 10 minutes before the bar tender comes over and says, “A ‘friend’ of yours has bought you a drink”. I turn to Kelly and say, “Wellity, wellity, wellity…looks like we are going to have a very lucrative evening!” I then go to check in my coat at the…um…well…yeah the coat check. My turn comes in line and I realize that I went over there without any money. (Why do I embarrass myself at every possible occasion?) As I turn to walk back to my spot at the bar, I notice that Paul is talking to Kelly. He is with a girl I have never met, named Dierdra. I give him a quick peck on the cheek and turn to Kelly. “Fuck Kelly! Paul is here and we just got our drinks bought by a potentially hot guy”. Kelly smiles and says, “I know! Cept the potentially hot guy that bought the drinks is Paul.” “Nooooooooooooooooo!” I respond. And I thought that I was a stud or something.
My friend Will showed up a couple minutes later and we all hung out for awhile. Now, I don’t know if it’s the new pomade I am using or what, but I was getting more attention than the alcohol was. The boys were all over my shit. But the worst part about it was that I couldn’t enjoy any of it cuz Paul was standing next to me the entire time. At one point, he and I went to the bathroom and this guy in line (who was ba ba ba BUILT) was checking me out. When Paul entered the bathroom before me, I hung back and said hi to him. He smiled and we made polite conversation before I had to take my piss. I know that I could have had his number in two seconds flat if I was alone. Suddenly Paul comes out of the bathroom, walks right over to my new boyfriend and me and says, “He’s taken”. He then put his arm around my shoulder and pushed me into the bathroom. Paul had every right to do that had he not already pissed me off by treating me as his property all night.
He had his hands down my pants all evening. He kept putting his left hand in the back of my pants and kind of playing around in there. I asked him to stop and he refused to comply. Eventually I pulled his hand out, informed him that I am not his “property” and changed my place in our circle. He got offended and asked me what the problem was.
“The problem, Paul, is that you won’t even kiss me when we are alone. Yet you see me getting all of this attention and now you realize what you’ve got. You have your hands all over me only because you know I am going to meet someone else tonight.”
“Do you want to meet someone else tonight?” Paul asks.
“I WANT my boyfriend to make love to me and to treat me like a human being. But since that doesn’t seem to be sinking in to you, I am definitely going to do my best to meet someone else and get my sorry ass some physical affection.”
“Then you would be cheating on me. And I won’t stand for that.”
“Yes I AM going to cheat on you and you don’t have to stand for that. I am tired of this shit with you. I am a 25 year old guy that is very capable of meeting other attractive people.”
“Joe, you are MY boyfriend.”
“Paul…act like it then. Otherwise deal with the repercussions of being a neglectful boyfriend. I am not going to wait around for you to improve yourself in this relationship anymore. Either fix it or let me go.”
After that brief yet poignant conversation, Paul and I hung out for a bit more before making the trek home. I decided to stay at his place since he lives right around the corner from Beige. On the way home we began to debate our relationship again.
“Joe, you are not going to cheat on me. I’m serious.”
“Paul, figure out why you haven’t touched me in the last 4 months or yes I AM going to cheat on you. If you can’t handle that, then break up with me. I am in love with you and am not going to break up with you, but I refuse to deal with this shit any longer. I am absolutely exhausted by it.”
“If I wasn’t at the bar tonight, would you have met someone else?”
“I think it’s very apparent by the attention I got tonight that I would have met somebody else. Paul, you don’t own me and I’m tired of having low self-esteem because of you. You are slowly destroying every bit of confidence that I have worked so hard to build.”
“I have not. You have destroyed it yourself. You think you control this relationship. You think you make every decision regardless of how I feel.”
“Then make the decision to let me go. If you don’t want to be with me, then LET ME GO.”
At this point we began screaming at each other. We called each other every name in the book and our voices woke everybody in the apartment building.
Finally we calmed down.
“I am not doing this with you anymore Paul. I’m not. Either fix your shit or get out of this relationship. I know you moved to NYC for me. You have rubbed my face in it time and time again. But I am tired of living in a dead end relationship. I am tired of you not acting as though I am a priority. Basically, you have destroyed me.”
“You have destroyed me too. You have torn me down, you have made me feel ugly, you have hurt me irreparably.”
“Then we need to break up Paul. Who cares about the Bahamas vacation? Who cares about the plans for Memorial Day? Who cares about anything right now except for us being happy? And if being happy means that we have to be away from each other, then that is what we should do.”
“Do you want to just be friends for awhile?”
“Paul, we will never be friends. I have never been friends with anyone that I have dated and I have no plans to start with you. If you won’t put in the effort to fix this relationship, then I have nothing else to say to you. You have broken my heart time and time again and I don’t think that I want a friend like that.”
“That’s fucked up Joe! You are saying that you will never speak to me again?”
“That is exactly what I am saying. You don’t have any more chances Paul. I am warning you now. Fix this or let me go.”
“Fine. Let’s get something to eat and go to bed.”
And that’s what we did. We ate and went to bed. He did his best at kissing up to me and I wasn’t having it. I didn’t speak for the rest of the evening and I went to bed facing the wall. As we all know, I have had just about enough of Paul’s shit. I know he loves me, but I can’t hold his hand anymore. It’s not fair to me.
He held me all night long and when I woke up, he leaned over and kissed me. It was nice and it started my day off on a very positive note. If Paul puts in the effort, so will I. But I am going out on Friday night and I am planning on doing it up the way I want to do it up. I don’t have a boyfriend on Friday night. I will be open and honest with Paul about everything that happens, but I will not hold myself back any longer. I see no reason to stick this out with him if he won’t work at improving himself. We will see what happens…we will see if he can turn it around.
Overall I did have a wonderful time last night. I love Beige. It’s just about my favorite. The guys are fucking HOT(!) and they have a patio out back that is crowded with smokers. It is hella great.
Also, one other thing has happened today that is absolutely terrific! Ari alerted me this morning to news that
Kambri Crews was giving out free tickets to see Urban Cowboy. I wrote her an email and lo and behold, Paul and I will be going to see the show tomorrow night for free!!!!! I can’t believe it! He and I have been talking about the show for months and now we get the chance to actually see it. The guys in it are supposed to be HOT HOT HOT! Kelly and I were talking about the show last night. She went to a big, expensive dinner on Monday too and saw a bunch of numbers from various Broadway musicals. She loved Urban Cowboy and couldn’t stop talking about it. YAYAYAYAYAYAY! Paul is going to be so excited tonight when I tell him the news.
It’s my turn to take us out to dinner, so I have picked an incredible diner in Spanish Harlem. He will complain that it’s just a lowly diner as opposed to a five star restaurant, but once he tastes the food, he is sure to jizz all over the counter. We are supposed to “talk” about our relationship tonight. Imagine he breaks up with me and then I tell him “Too bad, cuz you could have seen Urban Cowboy for free!”
I hope things work out with us. I really do.
But I am thru begging and pleading with him. It’s time for hard ball. Shape up or ship the fuck out.
Wow. I know it’s only been 24 hours since my last post, but what a day it has been!
So, last night was fucking amazing. I mean, last night was fucking HOO RAH amazing. It was the perfect start to a summer of gayness.
Here’s what I like to call “The Deelio”:
Kelly and I showed up at Beige around 10:30pm. We immediately secured ourselves a spot at the bar, which is an incredible feat in itself. We weren’t there for more than 10 minutes before the bar tender comes over and says, “A ‘friend’ of yours has bought you a drink”. I turn to Kelly and say, “Wellity, wellity, wellity…looks like we are going to have a very lucrative evening!” I then go to check in my coat at the…um…well…yeah the coat check. My turn comes in line and I realize that I went over there without any money. (Why do I embarrass myself at every possible occasion?) As I turn to walk back to my spot at the bar, I notice that Paul is talking to Kelly. He is with a girl I have never met, named Dierdra. I give him a quick peck on the cheek and turn to Kelly. “Fuck Kelly! Paul is here and we just got our drinks bought by a potentially hot guy”. Kelly smiles and says, “I know! Cept the potentially hot guy that bought the drinks is Paul.” “Nooooooooooooooooo!” I respond. And I thought that I was a stud or something.
My friend Will showed up a couple minutes later and we all hung out for awhile. Now, I don’t know if it’s the new pomade I am using or what, but I was getting more attention than the alcohol was. The boys were all over my shit. But the worst part about it was that I couldn’t enjoy any of it cuz Paul was standing next to me the entire time. At one point, he and I went to the bathroom and this guy in line (who was ba ba ba BUILT) was checking me out. When Paul entered the bathroom before me, I hung back and said hi to him. He smiled and we made polite conversation before I had to take my piss. I know that I could have had his number in two seconds flat if I was alone. Suddenly Paul comes out of the bathroom, walks right over to my new boyfriend and me and says, “He’s taken”. He then put his arm around my shoulder and pushed me into the bathroom. Paul had every right to do that had he not already pissed me off by treating me as his property all night.
He had his hands down my pants all evening. He kept putting his left hand in the back of my pants and kind of playing around in there. I asked him to stop and he refused to comply. Eventually I pulled his hand out, informed him that I am not his “property” and changed my place in our circle. He got offended and asked me what the problem was.
“The problem, Paul, is that you won’t even kiss me when we are alone. Yet you see me getting all of this attention and now you realize what you’ve got. You have your hands all over me only because you know I am going to meet someone else tonight.”
“Do you want to meet someone else tonight?” Paul asks.
“I WANT my boyfriend to make love to me and to treat me like a human being. But since that doesn’t seem to be sinking in to you, I am definitely going to do my best to meet someone else and get my sorry ass some physical affection.”
“Then you would be cheating on me. And I won’t stand for that.”
“Yes I AM going to cheat on you and you don’t have to stand for that. I am tired of this shit with you. I am a 25 year old guy that is very capable of meeting other attractive people.”
“Joe, you are MY boyfriend.”
“Paul…act like it then. Otherwise deal with the repercussions of being a neglectful boyfriend. I am not going to wait around for you to improve yourself in this relationship anymore. Either fix it or let me go.”
After that brief yet poignant conversation, Paul and I hung out for a bit more before making the trek home. I decided to stay at his place since he lives right around the corner from Beige. On the way home we began to debate our relationship again.
“Joe, you are not going to cheat on me. I’m serious.”
“Paul, figure out why you haven’t touched me in the last 4 months or yes I AM going to cheat on you. If you can’t handle that, then break up with me. I am in love with you and am not going to break up with you, but I refuse to deal with this shit any longer. I am absolutely exhausted by it.”
“If I wasn’t at the bar tonight, would you have met someone else?”
“I think it’s very apparent by the attention I got tonight that I would have met somebody else. Paul, you don’t own me and I’m tired of having low self-esteem because of you. You are slowly destroying every bit of confidence that I have worked so hard to build.”
“I have not. You have destroyed it yourself. You think you control this relationship. You think you make every decision regardless of how I feel.”
“Then make the decision to let me go. If you don’t want to be with me, then LET ME GO.”
At this point we began screaming at each other. We called each other every name in the book and our voices woke everybody in the apartment building.
Finally we calmed down.
“I am not doing this with you anymore Paul. I’m not. Either fix your shit or get out of this relationship. I know you moved to NYC for me. You have rubbed my face in it time and time again. But I am tired of living in a dead end relationship. I am tired of you not acting as though I am a priority. Basically, you have destroyed me.”
“You have destroyed me too. You have torn me down, you have made me feel ugly, you have hurt me irreparably.”
“Then we need to break up Paul. Who cares about the Bahamas vacation? Who cares about the plans for Memorial Day? Who cares about anything right now except for us being happy? And if being happy means that we have to be away from each other, then that is what we should do.”
“Do you want to just be friends for awhile?”
“Paul, we will never be friends. I have never been friends with anyone that I have dated and I have no plans to start with you. If you won’t put in the effort to fix this relationship, then I have nothing else to say to you. You have broken my heart time and time again and I don’t think that I want a friend like that.”
“That’s fucked up Joe! You are saying that you will never speak to me again?”
“That is exactly what I am saying. You don’t have any more chances Paul. I am warning you now. Fix this or let me go.”
“Fine. Let’s get something to eat and go to bed.”
And that’s what we did. We ate and went to bed. He did his best at kissing up to me and I wasn’t having it. I didn’t speak for the rest of the evening and I went to bed facing the wall. As we all know, I have had just about enough of Paul’s shit. I know he loves me, but I can’t hold his hand anymore. It’s not fair to me.
He held me all night long and when I woke up, he leaned over and kissed me. It was nice and it started my day off on a very positive note. If Paul puts in the effort, so will I. But I am going out on Friday night and I am planning on doing it up the way I want to do it up. I don’t have a boyfriend on Friday night. I will be open and honest with Paul about everything that happens, but I will not hold myself back any longer. I see no reason to stick this out with him if he won’t work at improving himself. We will see what happens…we will see if he can turn it around.
Overall I did have a wonderful time last night. I love Beige. It’s just about my favorite. The guys are fucking HOT(!) and they have a patio out back that is crowded with smokers. It is hella great.
Also, one other thing has happened today that is absolutely terrific! Ari alerted me this morning to news that
Kambri Crews was giving out free tickets to see Urban Cowboy. I wrote her an email and lo and behold, Paul and I will be going to see the show tomorrow night for free!!!!! I can’t believe it! He and I have been talking about the show for months and now we get the chance to actually see it. The guys in it are supposed to be HOT HOT HOT! Kelly and I were talking about the show last night. She went to a big, expensive dinner on Monday too and saw a bunch of numbers from various Broadway musicals. She loved Urban Cowboy and couldn’t stop talking about it. YAYAYAYAYAYAY! Paul is going to be so excited tonight when I tell him the news.
It’s my turn to take us out to dinner, so I have picked an incredible diner in Spanish Harlem. He will complain that it’s just a lowly diner as opposed to a five star restaurant, but once he tastes the food, he is sure to jizz all over the counter. We are supposed to “talk” about our relationship tonight. Imagine he breaks up with me and then I tell him “Too bad, cuz you could have seen Urban Cowboy for free!”
I hope things work out with us. I really do.
But I am thru begging and pleading with him. It’s time for hard ball. Shape up or ship the fuck out.
